Yesterday, the entire internet posted the kinda-hyped “Jennifer Aniston Sex Tape,” which was not a sex tape but, in fact, a video of Aniston deliberately attempting viral trends in a lengthy commercial for Smart Water. I was completely fooled – I thought Smart Water had literally filmed a Jennifer Aniston sex tape and was like “we don’t usually do this because we’re a water company and we’re not sure if this is legal but here is moving image of actress Jennifer Aniston having sexual intercourse. Smart Water – the Smartest Water in the waterfall!
The video features Aniston and a team of nerdy viral marketing characters attempting various internet hallmarks, including puppies, CGI’d dancing babies, and a Double Rainbow Guy facsimile. Ultimately, it’s not terrible, but the whole thing is so selfconscious and lame in the way that every time a company tries to do something radical dot com it ends up just reaffirming its own parentlike vague understanding of what the kidz are into these days. Skateboards and innanet, what I always says!
Half the people on the internet have no idea what the Double Rainbow Guy is, and this half likely won’t see the Aniston video for another 6 weeks or ever (this is the same half that can’t reset MSN.com as its homepage). The other half saw the Aniston video seconds after it showed up online (AskJeeves posted it first, uhhhgain), and these web savvy people all know that Double Rainbow Guy happened eight months ago, an eternity in internet dog years.
Basically, it’s a commercial very deliberately trying to manufacture something “cool,” and in the process just seeming even more commercially than commercials that are just like “Sup. I’m a commercial.” Ironically, the entire internet did end up posting the video, and it’s on its way to 1 million views, but I don’t interpret this as any sort of endorsement of its hilarity or creativity beyond just “It’s the internet news cycle, Charlie Sheen stuff’s dying down, here’s a video with a celebrity that’ll take 3 calories of effort to throw online and everyone is obligatorily talking about it, so I guess we have to do this.” It’s my job to have that exact line of thinking.
I don’t feel like posting the video, but if you somehow haven’t seen it and want to, take .001 seconds and Google it and be like “Jennifer Aniston and babies. This sure is some illusion of movement.” Next up: Evolution Of Ronald McDonald’s Dance. The previous sentence just got 400,000 obligatory, half-assed views.
On Monday I did the first half of my catchup work. Now we’ll do the second half. And one of the big issues coming up is copyright. Over the last thirty years, copyright in America has been radically reformed. While traditionally it worked as patents still do work, as a temporary grant of monopoly enforceable in civil courts, we’ve gradually moved them into the realm of criminal law enforced indefinitely. And I believe we’re gone too far in that direction.
So when I hear about the COICA, a new copyright and counterfeiting law promoted by the Obama administration, I’m concerned. At a fundamental level, the COICA would give too much power to government to solve a problem that doesn’t actually exist. No, copyright is not at serious risk in America today. It is simply certain business models that are failing, and it is not the place of government to try to prop them up.
It is true that the RIAA’s members are not as successful as they have been in the past, with music revenue down almost by 50% from their highs. But the blame for that cannot rest with the Internet. The blame lies with the RIAA for failing to act. If we assume that it is not a coincidence that the RIAA’s peak came with the launch of Napster, the question still remains to be answered why it took until took until 2003, four years later, for the RIAA to enter the online world?
It was pure, blind greed that caused the RIAA to cling to its out of date CD model with outlandish album pricing, not a problem of “piracy,” that harmed their business. Giving government more power will not fix that. Contrast with the MPAA, whose box office success continues to grow even as new markets like Netflix bring in previously untapped revenue streams. The business of copyright continues to boom, but only if you do it right.
So when Eric Holder and the Obama administration ask to create a national blacklist of websites to solve an alleged crisis of copyright, I say no. I say there is no crisis of lawbreaking, but rather a failure of business models to adapt to the new world online. Let the free market flourish.
Speaking of copyright, it’s hard for Sony to claim that there’s something horribly illegal about distributing their secret keys when Sony’s own marketing people will “retweet” them on Twitter, eh?
Moving on, the Internet Kill Switch bill is going to be a thorn in our sides until we beat it for good, so it’s good that John Harper hits it over at Tech Liberation Front. Key quote:
No amount of tailoring can make a bad idea a good one. The Internet kill-switch debate is not about the precision or care with which such a policy might be designed or implemented. It’s about the galling claim on the part of Senators Lieberman, Collins, and Carper that the U.S. government can seize private assets at will or whim.
Back to Net Neutrality, John Stossel has tackled the issue applying his trademark style of down-to-Earth libertarianism to explain how wrong headed the radicals are on Internet regulation:
Of course, Free Press continues to push for comprehensive “media reform” amounting to state-run media in America. Oh to be a fly on the wall at that conference, but my cash is earmarked for seeing good people on our side!
Ready for some privacy? Google may or may not be, when the firm is being accused of working to gobble up children’s Social Security Numbers using a contest as bait. Given the firm’s expertise in database building, the concern is worth a look, but ultimately I believe the burden is on parents to be careful. Don’t trust websites without good reason, folks!
The push continues to investigate the WiSpy Street View scandal, a serious incident of mass, organized wardriving that Google has confessed to. However Google claims there’s a vast tech conspiracy against them headed by Microsoft, which is ridiculous when you consider the numerous high level ties between the Obama administration and Google, as well as Google’s ongoing efforts to increase government regulation online. Poor widdle victims.
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